Who is Greedier the Player or the Chaste person?

The nobility of saving yourself for marriage is becoming forgotten. There are less and less examples of successful marriages, happy marriages, or marriages where the couple had no previous relationships. My question then is who is greedier “the player” who tries to sleep with as many people as possible or the “chaste person” who wants to wait until marriage? Which one demands the greater amount of investment? Which one has the higher expectation?

The Player is someone whose main purpose of social interaction is to have physical intercourse. Their morality aside, the player is playing the game of dating and believes everything is okay as long as it is consensual. The other side is the chaste person. They value traditional marriage and restricts intimacy to non-physical interactions during the dating stage. Surprisingly enough, I believe that the chaste person is more greedy.

I see a lot of discussion about body count or how many people you have slept with. Some people believe that your body count matters, while other people do not. The player would have a high body count and the chaste person ought to have zero. The matter becomes charged because your body count cannot be changed easily. If a person has a high body count, then they can no longer control their brand image in the dating world. The brand image is a double standard because men tend to benefit from having a high body count where as women tend to be degraded. The opposite is true that a low body count tends to not look good for men, but it does benefit woman.

Here’s my view on the body count issue. The difference lies between valuing long-term relationships and short term relationships. The simple paradigm that you can go deep but not broad or you can go broad but not deep. By long-term, I mean spending years if not decades on a relationship. The large investment of time naturally leads to an exclusivity when you do not talk to as many people in order to cultivate that singular relationship. The opposite is true for the short-term. If you only wish to invest a single night on a person, then you are able to invest into a large number of people. It’s not so much a woman vs man issue as it is a short-term perspective vs long-term perspective. Those who value the short-term will either respect a high body count or be ambivalent. Those who value the long-term will most likely not trust those with a high body count. Let me explain further.

The nature of a long-term relationship is significantly different than a short-term relationship. The short-term relationship values high emotions but is ultimately unsustainable. Therefore, relationships become quick “fixes” to get certain highs. The relationship devolves into a utilitarian and transactional agreement. So called, “I’ll be with you while I’m happy and when I stop feeling happy then I’ll leave.”

The long-term relationship directly contradicts that sentiment. The long-term is more personal and intimate. It is summarized well with the traditional marriage vows, “In sickness and in health… till death due us part.” The long-term relationship values fidelity towards the relationship itself and not the subjective experience. Therefore, long-term relationships demands an emotional intelligence and level of maturity that short-term relationships do not.

I do not want to be seen as bashing those who have high body counts. I do disapprove of the lifestyle and do not find the merits of that lifestyle appealing. But I strongly believe that all people are good and all people are made to be loved and all people deserve to be loved. Ironically, what the player values in a short-term relationship is exactly what makes them less greedy than the chaste person. My argument against having a high body count is centered on desiring more from a relationship. There is a beauty and joy of knowing someone intimately that can only be found in a long-term relationship. Restricting ourselves to one-night-stands is a crying shame.

The trinitarian nature of the human person is their mind, body, and soul. In theory, short-term relationships focus mainly on the body. Most impressions found in the short-term relationship are bodily: “Love at first sight,” sexual attraction, aesthetic beauty, butter flies in the stomach, muscle physique, etc. Those who do not value long-term relationships value these bodily impressions more so than the impressions relating to the mind and soul. The player is content with only interacting with the body. It is a transactional agreement that there is mutual sexual attraction so they agree to have sex. Those who value short-term relationships don’t want “strings attached.” They have their fun and they continue on; no harm no foul.

The willingness to only interact with the body is what makes the player less greedy than the chaste person. The chaste person refuses to interact with the body in a sexual way. They are still open to physical affection. But the majority, if not all, acts of fornication, fondling, or sex will not happen before marriage. Even during marriage, these acts might stop altogether if they start at all. The chaste person refuses to interact with the body while dating, because they care more about the soul and mind. An argument can be made that sexual interactions clouds the judgement towards non-physical realities of the relationship.

The chaste person wants someone’s unconditional and exclusive fidelity and affection until death before they are willing to interact with the body.

The chaste person wants to have a mental, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connection with this person before they engage in a sexual relationship. If a couple waits to have sex until marriage, then their relationship have survived based mostly on their non-physical connections. They need not worry about whether or not the high intense emotions of sex have clouded their judgement. The chaste couple have connected with interest, hobbies, the past, dates, friends, milestones, and everything else that is only possible with a long term relationship. The chaste person is so greedy that not until after the wedding vows do they begin a sexual relationship. The chaste person wants someone’s unconditional and exclusive fidelity and affection until death before they are willing to interact with the body.

Is it wrong to have a high body count? Not necessarily. This is the Roman Catholic faith that we are talking about. We believe in redemption and forgiveness and free will. Our past does not dictate our future. It is our present choices that cultivates our futures. A person could very well have a high body count and embrace marriage with grace and zeal. The humble warning I would like to give is about the transition from a short-term relationship strategy to a long-term relationship strategy. They are two distinct and contradictory worlds. What makes you successful in a short-term relationship does not translate well to a long-term relationship and vice versa.

What makes the long-term relationship possible is that the relationship is not centered on sexual attraction or physical beauty. In this way, the long-term relationship has some immunity from sexual attraction changing due to age and life circumstances. That is why the player is not greedy enough. If the player values physical looks and sexual attraction, then those things will fade as years trudge on. Physical looks and dating highs are temporary. You can use them, discard them, and then never look back without a regret. However, truly being with a person through thick and thin; sickness and health; for richer and for poorer is an intimate bond that mimics the eternal.

The player asks, “Want to go back to my place for some fun time?” The chaste person asks, “Are you willing to share your entire life with me? Your soul? Your Mind? Your Body? Until you or I should die?” By far, the chaste person is greedier. They are willing to go through droughts of loneliness instead of the temporary release of a short-term relationship. The chaste person refuses giving in to their bodily urges. The chaste person would prefer suffering and misery with the person they deeply love instead of a fleeting intense encounter with a stranger.

Imagine sitting down in front of a person and looking them in the eye. This person gazes back at you and says, “I want you.” This encounter is what most people desire regardless if they value short-term or long-term relationships. The difference is that the player tends to be more shallow than the chaste person. The player says, “I want your body at the moment.” The chaste person says, “I want your mind, body, and soul as long as I shall live.”