Are we afraid of our “I” becoming a “we”?

I love a good paradox. One paradox in the Roman Catholic church is “diversity in unity.” The church is, for better or for worse, famous for its rigid acts of worship. The church goers strictly obey the directives on what to say at mass, when to say it, and how to say it. The sea of individuals meld together to for a collective whole. However, our individuality shines all the brighter at the exact same moment. Externally, we are all united in our acts of worship, but internally we have tumultuous currents that only God is privy to. Our individuality remains despite participating in a collective act of worship.

The mass has been criticized for being cold and unapproachable. Some people feel repressed and unable to be who they truly are with God. Some people feel closer to God outside of the church than they ever did in the church. I don’t want to dismiss these experiences. There are people that have been hurt. It’s heartbreaking to have a passion or desire be thwarted due to the customs of the church. Arguably, it is not even church tradition but the customs of a local parish. Of course, a person’s individuality feels threated in such an environment.

I want to talk about what happens to our individuality in a collective. We can find some examples in the world. First, look at a harmony in a musical composition. Individual notes blend together to form a master piece. Each note has it’s own individuality. The combination of notes provide a synergy to create a delightful experience. The collective whole suffers if even a single note is off pitch.

Second, you have the diversity in nature. Whatever biome that we call to our attention has flora and fauna interacting with each other. There is a cycle of eating and been eaten; life and death. There is no individual that exist independently. Every creature relies on the other for sustenance. If disease spread or contagion pollutes, then the entire biome is at risk of perishing.

Third, we have the Sacrament of Marriage where a man and a woman become one flesh. The union is equal. Both trusts and lean on each other. It may manifest in different ways for different couples, but the core is loving companionship. The relationship is two ways and almost all problems need to be addressed by both parties. There is a grave injustice to a marriage that is one sided. The ideal is a mutual exchange of love, care, respect, and honor.

I would argue a reason for delayed marriages and higher divorce rates is a fear of losing our individuality. When we go to mass the expectation is that our individuality is not meant to be shown but it is still respected. In marriage, a person’s individuality naturally yields to the collective of the family. If we fear losing our individuality, then naturally we will flee from marriage or church services that focuses on the public.

The beauty of these collective moments is that we are a part of a community. We are not alone. Our identity is shared with others. Being a part of a collective offers a security that cannot be manufactured by an isolated lifestyle. Are we willing to sacrifice ourselves for the greater community? Would a stranger be welcome into our individual worship? There are a lot of strangers in the world but in a perfect role all strangers would be allies and friends. Are we willing to make room for people into our own individual world?

Remember, my Average Catholics, the goal is Heaven where we will be united in an everlasting praise and worship of God Our Father. Is our picture of heaven just us and God? Is heaven just us and our close loved ones … without God? When was the last time that our imaginary heaven also included people from different races, languages, and nations? Try meditating on a heaven where all of the faithfully departed with the Saints and Angels live in heaven. God willing, we are just one among a countless sea of white. Where is our individuality then?

Yes, we are individuals. Our identity cannot be replicated. God has brought us into existence in a singular act of creation where we are uniquely and truly us that has not nor will not be ever repeated. In the vast sea of humanity, we exist as a unique individual. Would you refuse to go to heaven if it meant melding with the cloud of witnesses? Would you refuse to go to heaven if it meant your life is selflessly focused on the Other; on God? Does it scare you to think you can love with a self abandonment that leaves you vulnerable? Would you protect your individuality at the expense of leaving the Heavenly Host?